7. Friends and Relationships: Help your children develop and maintain good friendships and lasting relationships. If you have to move, help them preserve old, and create new relationships.
For your child, there may be no relationship more important than their relationship with you and other family members. Spend time, listen, acknowledge, and help them understand their own emotions during these difficult times of struggles and/or stress. Develop deep, supportive (willing and able to provide support as well as careful, loving, and honest feedback when necessary) relationships for yourself. Continue to nourish these relationships over time and geographical distance if necessary. Yes, sometimes this means real work. Michael Yapko in his book: WHEN LIVING HURTS: Directives for Treating Depression (Brunner/Mazel, Publishers New York 1988) talks about the difference between working and making the sound of work with the final line in a story coming from a judge who says: ‘you have made the sound of work, now you have heard the sound of pay.’ This doesn’t just apply to this section; but to many if not all of the 15 principles. We often busy ourselves with activity, which deep down we know will not lead to productivity. Deep supporting long term relationships require work, forgiveness (or sometimes just being slow to judge), empathy, love, listening, sharing, and more work, no matter who the other person in the relationship might be.
Relationships, Stress, and Memory
Abstract:
“This chapter focuses on the connections between relationships, stress, and memory. Attachment theory offers a provocative framework for understanding these connections. The chapter discusses the influence of attachment relationships on children's memory for stressful events. It examines how parent-child conversation influences memory, especially for stressful events. Emotion regulation also connects relationships, memory, and stress, and a growing research literature in this field is considered. The chapter concludes with some ideas for the future directions of this field and its practical applications.”
http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/oso/3375839/2009/00000001/00000001/art00018
Advances in the conceptualization and measurement of religion and spirituality: Implications for physical and mental health research
Abstract
"This reprinted article originally appeared in American Psychologist, 2003, Vol 58[1], 64-74. (The following abstract of the original article appeared in record 2003-02034-006.)Empirical studies have identified significant links between religion and spirituality and health. The reasons for these associations, however, are unclear. Typically, religion and spirituality have been measured by global indices (e.g., frequency of church attendance, self-rated religiousness and spirituality) that do not specify how or why religion and spirituality affect health. The authors highlight recent advances in the delineation of religion and spirituality concepts and measures theoretically and functionally connected to health. They also point to areas for growth in religion and spirituality conceptualization and measurement. Through measures of religion and spirituality more conceptually related to physical and mental health (e.g., closeness to God, religious orientation and motivation, religious support, religious struggle), psychologists are discovering more about the distinctive contributions of religiousness and spirituality to health and well-being. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2010 APA, all rights reserved)”
http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/rel/S/1/3/
The neuroscience of human relationships: Attachment and the developing social brain. Cozolino, Louis Abstract
“As human beings, we cherish our individuality yet we know that we live in constant relationship to other people in the world and that these people play a part in regulating our emotional and social behavior. Although this interdependence is a constant reality of our existence, we are just beginning to understand that we have evolved as social creatures with interwoven brains and biologies. The human brain itself is a social organ and to truly understand human beings, we must understand not only how we as whole people exist with others, but how our brains themselves exist in relationship to other brains. In this exploration of the foundational theory of interpersonal neurobiology--that the brain is a social organ built through experience--Cozolino uses case examples from his years of clinical experience as well as numerous brain diagrams and illustrations to weave brain science, attachment, and emerging findings from social neuroscience into the story of our lives. In doing so, he provides a narrative of how our brains develop in the context of our relationships, how that development can become disordered, and how healing interactions can trigger changes in our brains, help them grow in positive ways, and, when the conditions are right, heal suffering. The Neuroscience of Human Relationships examines topics such as neural plasticity, mirror neurons, and the biology of attachment to address such important questions as: how do brains regulate one another during moment-to-moment interactions? How do parents, therapists, and educators activate and guide neuroplastic processes to foster learning and change? What are the effects of isolation, stress, and trauma on the social brain? What are the processes through which relationships both create and cure mental illness? Scientific literature and clinical case examples are interwoven to present a thorough discussion of disorders of the social brain including autism, social phobia, and borderline personality, as various breakdowns of social functioning are explored. The book concludes with a section focused on how relationships, both personal and professional, can heal the brain. We are just beginning to see the larger implications of these neurological processes--that is, how the architecture of the brain can help us to understand individuals and their relationships. After finishing this book, readers will have a deeper appreciation of how and why relationships have the power to reshape our brains throughout life. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2010 APA, all rights reserved)”
http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/2006-13260-000
Physiological regulation of stress in referred adolescents: the role of the parent–adolescent relationship
“Results: Adolescents with high levels of externalising problems and low levels of secure-base support showed weaker parasympathetic reactivity and recovery. Higher level of adolescent secure-base seeking was associated with stronger sympathetic reactivity and recovery.
Conclusions: Secure-base interactions between parents and adolescents facilitate physiological regulation of stress, especially for adolescents with externalising symptomatology.”
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2008.01982.x/full
Stress and Depression among Older Residents in Religious Monasteries: Do Friends and God Matter?“Abstract:
The purpose of this investigation was to explore how friendship and attachment to God provide protective benefits against stress and depression. Participants included 235 men and women, age 64 and older, residing in religious monasteries affiliated with the Order of St. Benedict. Hierarchical multiple regression analyses were completed to assess main and moderating effects of friendship and attachment to God relative to the influence of stress on depressive symptomology. Lower degree of friendship closeness (β = -.12, p < .10) and greater insecurity with God (β = -.15, p < .01) were directly associated with greater depressive symptoms. A significant three-way interaction (Stress x Friendship x Attachment to God) also existed relative to depressive symptoms (β = .14, p < .05). Three "stress-buffering" mechanisms emerged relative to the influence of stress on depressive symptomology. First, a greater degree of friendship closeness in combination with less secure attachment to God represented a greater risk for depressive symptoms. Second, greater friendship closeness in combination with greater secure attachment to God reduced the risk for depressive symptoms. Third, lower degree of friendship closeness combined with less secure attachment to God diminished the noxious effects of stress on depressive symptoms. This has implications relative to how social and spiritual resources can be used to reduce stress and improve quality of life for older adults residing in religious communities. “
http://baywood.metapress.com/app/home/contribution.asp?referrer=parent&backto=issue,1,4;journal,25,289;linkingpublicationresults,1:300312,1
Stress Less: Your Guide to Managing Stress By Heather E. Schwartz
http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=wFhktpUPjDcC&oi=fnd&pg=PP6&dq=friends+stress&ots=2Aq3yb41LQ&sig=FBIcT8oONiOd5SpFIbKyQKLJqPE#v=onepage&q=friends%20stress&f=false
Does social support from family and friends work as a buffer against reactions to stressful life events such as terminal cancer?
“Abstract: Results
Significance of the results: The mixed findings may indicate that social support has only small effects on emotional functioning and stress reactions. Our results on the second assessment indicate, however, that social support might work as a buffer against reactions toward external stressful events such as terminal cancer.”: Although our hypothesis was not supported at the baseline assessment, it was supported at the second assessment, 2 months later. Patients with high social support reported better emotional functioning and less serious stress reactions, in terms of lower scores on the IES avoidance subscale, than patients with a low degree of social support.
http://journals.cambridge.org/action/displayAbstract?fromPage=online&aid=799364
The Importance of Friends: Friendship and Adjustment Among 1st-Year University Students
Abstract:
“In a study of new friendships and adjustment among 1st-year university students, students at six Canadian universities completed questionnaires that assessed the quality of new friendships and adjustment during their first academic year. In-depth, face-to-face interviews about students' new friendships were conducted with a subsample of these students. Results indicated a significant positive relation between quality of new friendships and adjustment to university; this association was stronger for students living in residence than for those commuting to university. The interview data provided insight into the processes through which the relation between quality of new friendships and adjustment occurs. Results are discussed in terms of the importance of new friendships in helping individuals to adjust to a new social environment.”
http://jar.sagepub.com/content/22/6/665.short
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