1. Understanding and correctly exercising control:

1. Understanding and correctly exercising control:: Help children to understand (to the level appropriate for the child) the difference between what they do and do not have control over. Too often children believe they are somehow to blame for your stresses. Sometimes it comes from the belief that somehow the world revolves around them and sometimes it is because of something you or others may have said; but which was misunderstood by your child. As much as is appropriate for the child, help them understand what is going on when you face significant stress and and appropriate partner with them in solutions, e.g. hold family councils on home production and ways to save money.   Discourage children from believing they are responsible beyond their level of responsibility and developmental abilities.
　
One of our chief causes of stress comes from when we attempt to control where we have or should have little or none and/or neglecting to control where we can and should (quite often ourselves). Sometimes the lack of self-control fosters the perceived need to control others.
This is an area where I personally have and at times continue to struggle. I am prone to “tilting at windmills” (See Don Quixote the Man of La Mancha http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Man_of_La_Mancha … by the way, a wonderful story and movie). Sometimes these windmills are things I can and should change and sometimes they are not and as in the Serenity Prayer, I occasionally have a hard time knowing the difference.


This brings us to the work on Need For Achievement popularized by the psychologist David McClelland. (See Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Need_for_achievement )Those with very low need achievement tend to choose very difficult tasks, so difficult that in their estimation ‘no one, certainly no average person could be expected to have accomplished the task‘, or they choose very easy tasks, tasks so simple ‘anyone could have done it.’ Either way, they can not be held accountable for either completing the task or attaining the goal … or not.
On the other hand, people with a high need for achievement tend to set goals reasonable for themselves, yet stretching themselves enough to increase their own personal capacity, resilience and level of achievement.Most of you have head of the Serenity Prayer, popularized by Alcoholics Anonymous.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Need_for_achievement .  Please also see: McClland’s Theory of Needs at: http://www.netmba.com/mgmt/ob/motivation/mcclelland/ for additional information including implications on parenting)


Additional research:
The Brief Serenity Scale A Psychometric Analysis of a Measure of Spirituality and Well-Being
And while I do not agree with everything in the following article, there is enough truth here to be worth the reference and link: Is Religion Good For Your Health? It Depends.
Please also see: Toward a Theory of Human Agency
And Self-Mastery in the Topical Guide http://lds.org/scriptures/tg/self-mastery?lang=enghttp://lds.org/new-era/1973/07/toward-a-theory-of-human-agency?lang=eng&query=Toward+Theory+Human+Agencyhttp://site.heritage.org/research/features/religiouspracticeinAmerica/pdf/Pargament_HeritagePaper.pdfhttp://jhn.sagepub.com/content/27/1/7.short

"God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
courage to change the things we can,
and wisdom to know the difference."

http://www.aahistory.com/prayer.html

Understanding the difference and effecting change and control in those areas where we can and should is an important ingredient for peace.