3. Boundaries and Expectations:

3. Boundaries and Expectations: One of the fundamental sources of stress is inappropriate (both too high and too low) expectations for yourself and others. The Lord has given us amazing resources to help, including sounding boards for what an appropriate expectation might be for ourselves and our children. We have visiting and home teachers, quorum leaders and bishops, scriptures, conference talks, and we have prayer. We have a good understanding of developmental milestones for children and what the range of appropriate expectations might be :see ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PARENTING http://responsiblepracticalparenting.blogspot.com/   (You can also find additional information about boundaries and expectations at the same site.)

For some, boundaries are a representation of restraint and confinement; however, they are also a safety and protection for us. For example: a fence keeping us away from danger or even a suit used by astronauts during a space walk. While the suit may seem confining, it is also life saving. While this may seem so incredibly obvious that no one would even consider a space walk without the appropriate suit and protection, there are equally important (but not always as immediately obvious) boundaries here on earth which are, all too often ignored, e.g. drugs, alcohol, premarital and extramarital sex. All of the commandments represent boundaries which both protect us and increase our capacity and potential. Using the analogy of space flight again, there are many boundaries and expectations for astronauts and their equipment to include choices about education, eating, and physical exercise. Some may seem confining; but ultimately they can have the opposite effect, allowing the astronaut to escape the earth for a period of time and return safely. It is the same for more typical and appropriate boundaries and expectations faced by children and adults, while they may seem more confining, in reality they expand possibilities within a framework of greater safety and peace.

As noted elsewhere on this site, increase resilience and self-efficacy; but also, do not “run faster than ye are able” and do not require it of your children. Be self-reliant; but also humble and meek enough to ask for help when needed.See also: Identity and the role of expectations, stress, and talk in short-term student sojourner adjustment: An application of the integrative theory of communication and cross-cultural adaptation. “Expectation gaps are one contributor to adjustment stress.” http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0147176709000790
and
Occupational Stress And Turnover Issues In Public Accounting: The Mediating Effects Of Locus Of Control, Social Support, And Employment Expectations. http://journals.cluteonline.com/index.php/IBER/article/view/3979 for just two examples.

Remember that reasonable expectations are a moving target with increasingly extended and expanding expectations becoming reasonable as the individual grows and matures.